Shut up Hanna!
by Silent Talks
Summary: Emily loved how much her friends got along with Paige, except those times Paige and Hannah managed to be alone. Oneshot maybe TwoShot if the story is liked
1. Chapter 1

**Hi Guys, here's a funny light one-shot of the relationship between Emily's friends and Paige. **

**You know the drill: Sorry for any mistakes (english is my second language), and feel free to review, say hi, critique and shout any comments that you may have for this. **

**This is a one-shot but if the story is liked i may turned it into more.**

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Hannah Marin was a force to be reckoned. Paige knew that of course, but never in her wildest dream could she imagine herself in this particular situation. It wasn't the alcoholic "fruity" drink all over her shirt, or the intense glare from a very particular muscular short- haired lady, oh no, it was the almost innocent puppy eyes the blond fashionista was throwing her way. Why oh why she didn't follow Emily's instructions for "a night out with Hannah" was beyond her –"Oh Emily you owe me big time" she thought to herself

_"Hannah?" said a very strained voice she later recognized to be her own

-"Yeah Paigy?" Answered a buzzed blonde.

-"What is the meaning of this?" asked Paige gesturing from her shirt to the she-bull in front of her. Someone that still was throwing a mean glare her way while breathing hard through her nose.

Hannah apparently thought that having a private conversation was better in this case and with a toss of her hair managed to drag/shove Paige into a dark secluded corner, to the displeasure of the she-bull who snorted and followed them with her angry evil eyes.

–"Listen Paigy"- started the girly girl ignoring the rather abrupt growl of Paige at the new nickname. –"This lady kept on bugging me for a dance even tough I said no several times!"

-"How does that translate into my favorite shirt getting drenched with cheap alcohol? - Asked Paige in her better "babysitter" voice.

- "Oh well"- answered the blond with a dismissive tone –"I told her I'm came with you to this beautiful and elegant bar (a snort came out of Paige's nose) and now she's convinced that she has to fight you in order to have my hand" finished Hannah with a dramatic sigh

Paige went along with the explanation to the very end where she almost threw up the drink she just had - "Wait…what?" – She practically screamed. –"You told trunchbull's daughter that I'm your girlfriend?"- Hannah adopted a very innocent look and smiled in a "sorry" kind of way

After a few seconds where Paige managed to connect eyes with Trunchbull Jr. she took a deep breathe were she could hear Emily's voice in her head repeating "Patience Paige, just remember to be patient with her" and then turned to the blonde saying "Well we could just say the truth and tell her that you are very much straight and in love with Caleb" said the swimmer with a shrug of her shoulders. When she started to make her way to the angry "Lady" (more like Mexican fighter, in a very close nacho libre style) Hannah pulled desperately of her arm causing her to smack back into the dark secluded "Seriously what the fuck" Hannah corner. –"ARE YOU CRAZY"- exclaimed the blonde. –"Then she would just plummet me into the ground, you don't get it because you're gay (cue Paige's offended stare) but the lesbians in Rosewood are like a mafia Paige (cue rise of eyebrow) … THEY ARE!"- Expressed Emily's friend with an intense rant. –"If they figure out that I was in a gay bar just for the sake of pink drinks and ego boost then I might as well be dead"- finished the fashionista with a duh face.

Paige had to count till ten in order to get her wits. – "Hannah"- she started with the softer voice she could muster. -"The gay bar was YOUR idea and this whole lesbian conspiration theory is beyond crazy. She's not gonna kill you, at best she'll try to flip you all night long"-

-"Flip?"-

-"Never mind Hannah, let's just settle this thing ok? I'm feeling nachina libre's glare all the way from there" Sure enough, when the dynamic duo turned in Beth's way (oh! So she HAD a name) She was taking her jacket off and folding her long sleeves all the way to her elbow, she was ready to kill.

-NO! Please Paigy can't you do this for me? I swear it will win you brownie points with Em" – exclaimed a desperate blonde. –"What? You want me to fight that thing? Hannah! Look at her super size form! I'll be dead before I can throw a punch! - Hannah answered with a hand gesture in a dismissive way -"You could totally take her Paigy".

Paige had to roll her eyes at the nickname that appeared to stick with her when Hannah was at her care, because that was that this is. Em was visiting her Nana so she designated Paige as the new designated Hannah sitter of the weekend seeing as Spencer and Aria had bed buddies plans with Toby and Ezra.

"If I didn't knew better, I'd say you are enjoying the prospect of two women fighting for you Han"- after a minute of Hannah Smirking Paige let her eyes bulge "OMG, Hannah! You ARE enjoying this don't you!

Hannah couldn't defend herself because in that moment she-wolf (Beth) interrupted their conversation by pulling Paige's hair all the way to the floor. Paige let out an outraged scream and pulled herself into a standing position. Quickly she located her opponent and started to circle her.

-"Hey Paige, I guess she couldn't wait for a chance to kiss me, huh? - Came from the crowd. Without needing to see the instigator she threw a "SHUT UP HANNAH!"

Thrunchbull Jr. was a good fighter; Paige honestly thought she worked part time with the WWE fighters. -"Listen Beth, Can't we settle this as adults?"- Tried Paige once she realized there's no way she could get out of this fight alive. –"BORING! - Made its way to Paige ears and with a roll of her eyes she repeated "SHUT UP HANNAH!"

Beth didn't have any intention of stopping and with strength of a bull managed to connect a well-placed punch to Paige's face. The swimmer's head snapped back with so much force that the crowd let out a "oooooooooooooooooohhhhhh"…. Including Hannah.

-"For the Love of God Hannah. You better call Spencer and get us out of here or I swear I'll let Beth here have her way with you!" Shouted Paige.

In 30 minutes they were safe in the Hastings house, all thanks to Spencer, who wasn't all that happy to cut short her date with officer Cavanaugh.

-"Every time"- she started to say

Two chastised girls, one with unruly hair and the other one with a purple shiner on her eye casted their eyes to the floor.

-"Every time Em's out of Rosewood and Paige is on Hannah duty you guys manage to get in the weirdest most dangerous problems" a –"We know"- made itself present.

-"I mean I could get it from Han ("Hey!) but YOU McCullers?"- "Don't you know better?"

Paige managed to keep quiet, spencer, after all, WAS RIGHT. She disobeyed the very first rule of the "How to be on Hannah duty and survive all night" manual Emily gave to her that last time (she ended covered in mud with a rubber chicken on her head…don't ask)

The rule that said "DON'T EVER, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS SACRED, LET HANNAH DICTATE THE PLAN FOR THE NIGHT"

-"Well shit, who could say no to that puppy crazy eyes?"

An amused albeit little exasperated Spencer let out a long sigh – "You know that I HAVE to report this to Em right?"

Shouts of –"please No"- and –"I'll let you win the next hockey game if you don't" were quick to appear. A smirking Spencer answered –"Sorry girls, you have let me no choice"-

A crying Hannah couldn't resist the exclamation of –"FINE, but for the record, I told Paige that fighting is never the answer, she just couldn't resist defending my honor".

Two pair of eyes rolled all the way to their sockets and two angry voices let out shouts of

"SHUT UP HANNAH!"

."Jeez, intense much guys?"-


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys! Due to a lovely response to the first chapter I decided to continue this story. I still don't know how much am I going to write, I guess I will let the plot and your thoughts guide me.**

**Thanks to let me see my mistake in calling Hanna: Hannah, that's settled now. If you find another mistake please let me now and feel free to tear me a new one via PM or reviews.**

**Having said that, you know the drill: I'm sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language. Please review, comment or chat with me. Your thoughts, comments and opinions make my day**

**Enjoy the reading!**

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Spencer Hastings was in shock. This was major news, as she didn't get shocked by anything. It takes something out of extraordinary to completely make her stop thinking *shudders*. Something like Hanna trying to make breakfast at something so pristine, delicate and elegant like the Hastings' kitchen.

The paralysis stopped however, when the blonde tried to microwave a pan full of cheese. –"Hanna! What in the world are you doing?"- Said the preppy girl, just in time to save her kitchen… and maybe, with Hanna on cooking duty…their lives.

-"Nachos!"- Said an unforgiving yet excited voice. –"Now, why do you have to stop my fun Spence? I was trying to offer the perfect morning snack"- finished Hanna ignoring the eye roll she got as an answer.

. "We talked about this Han; Nachos are not a breakfast meal, besides, do you know what happens when you stuck metal inside the microwave?"- Asked an exasperated Spencer

."Duh, It heats up faster!"- Spencer couldn't do more than blink tree times without uttering a single word. She decided that maybe, in Hanna's case, self-taught and learning experiences were the best so she took a deep breath and let out an –"Of course, sorry Han. Just for this time, let's heat up the cheese in the stove ok?"- The smug face that started to show on the blonde's face came to a halt and instead a smirk appeared – "Wait, Are YOU, Spencer Hastings, Mrs. I hate to do everything without order, saying we should eat nachos for BREAKFAST?"-

-"… If it gets my Kitchen safe and you in a peaceful mode, then so be it"- a reluctant voice let out.

-"NACHOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS, OMG wake up Paigy we are SO getting fat this fine morning!"- Screamed the fashionista while running up to her friend's bedroom. –"Wait Hanna, take it easy with Paige, she is still…"- a groan of pain interrupted the statement. –"…Sore."

What followed up next was a situation only possible when the last names McCullers and Marin got involved. Still, it was pretty amusing to watch so, as she heard the tumble of noises coming down the stairs, spencer secured the best sit possible in the house: Her comfortable sofa

Cue the view of Hanna trying to get away from Paige's rage. Both of them almost killing themselves on the stairs and tackling each other without an obvious winner, so as always, Spencer had to intercede in the name of peace.

-"What would Emily say if Paige managed to get another Shiner Han?"-

That would do it, in a beat both Paige and Hanna were sitting with stiff postures on the kitchen table and –"MY GOD PAIGE, could that thing get any more big or purple?"-

Paige put a hand over her eye and with sheepish gesture asked, - "Is it THAT bad? Han managed to hit my eye by accident when she tried to gently wake me"- she finished directing a mean glare to the dismissive blonde, who only smiled in return.

Everyone in the room shuddered. Emily wasn't going to be happy with this. The girls always managed to maim, hurt or get Paige drunk when she was out-of-town. She didn't trust them with her. The only reason Paige was still able to hang with the "gang" was because Em trusted her… not them… well that and thanks to other ways of coercion that Paige was not comfortable to mention out loud.

-"When is Corporal Fields arriving to base anyway? Wasn't she supposed to arrive yesterday? - Asked Hanna –"Weather problems, she's coming home tonight. Which means that we can't figure out a way to hide this thing"- said Paige gesturing to her purple eye.

Hanna and Paige sighed again, although Spencer couldn't take off the smirk that she wore. – "Now this is something I'll definitely want to see, at what time does she touches base?"-

."Shut up Spence"-

-"At eight"-

Answered two different voices with different tones. Hanna was scare out of her mind due to Emily's certain anger once she finds out, and Paige adopted a dreamy look and a stupid smile on her face. That smiled stayed until someone's shoe connected with her head – "Ow, What the hell Spence!"-

"Tone down the sweetness McCullers; I've got honey all over me just from seeing you stupid in love face"- Dictated Spencer with a dull voice despite the huge smile she was wearing. She WAS HAPPY, Em deserved love and Paige, without a doubt, LOVED HER.

The inevitable McHastings fight is interrupted by a cheerful hello from the door. Aria entered the room sharing hugs and smiles. Her bambi eyes (breaking the impossible) widen even more at the sight of Paige's face. –What in the world happen to you?"-

The answer came from two people inside the room –"Hanna happened"- Hanna didn't know to be more offended by that or about the fact that Aria accepted that answer as perfectly explained one before shrugging her tiny shoulders and letting out an –"Em's going to plummet you Han"-

Hannah rolled her eyes

-"I could definitely take her... OW! What the hell Paigy!"- "Don't diss my girl in front of me Han…" called Paige in a stern tone, and after thinking a bit added: -" and stop calling me Paigy"-

"I'm just saying, I'm all beef man; my guns would show Em a REALLY good time"

- "Shut up Hanna"- reprimanded the other three girls in the room

With a pout as big as Texas Hanna concentrated in the now ready nachos. Paige, Aria and Spencer were happy to follow and enjoy the rest of the brief "crazy Hanna" free afternoon; after all, sad Hanna was not something that lasted, they had to enjoy her misery now and suffer later.

Hundred of nachos later the "three amigas and the crazy Hanna" managed to roll all the way to the couch (with their pants unbuttoned, mind you) to have a much deserved movie night (noon). They had to make up for the lost time that Emily would sure take away once she find out of Paige's knuckle facial.

Even with the Field's punishment up ahead the now legendary incident "Hanna's lesbian wannabe Paige bash", or as the blonde simply named it "The big lesbian whack o mole", was one to write on the good times book.

…Even when Emily was sure to give into her big gay hulk anger

At seven sharp for Hanna (or 7:45 for normal people), the 4 girls were waiting for the Fields family to arrive from picking Emily up at the airport. They managed to coördinate their unique personalities to have the living room decorated in a simple way that said "we missed you, please don't kill us"… or as Spencer recalled for what appeared to be the hundred time in that night "Don't kill Hanna, seeing as it was her fault and not ours"

When Paige was about to dip her finger in the "Welcome home" cupcakes the front door opened. Forgetting her Shiner and the stinging pain in her scalp Paige ran as fast as she could towards it and managed to stop her adrenaline full body before she launched herself to the wrong Fields. Pam just shook her head and smiled big towards her "daughter – in –law" (just matter of time Wayne) and put her out of her misery –"She's getting her baggage out of the trunk Paige"-

Forgetting her manners, Paige ran towards the Fields SUV but before she could get there a brown blur tackled her to the grown. Despite her pained back she went down (no pun intended) with a heartfelt laugh. –"I missed you baby"- kept repeating the adorable monkey on top on her between kisses…until she managed to get to her face –"Paige, What the hell?"- The big dopey smile on Paige's face disappeared in that instant –"Em baby, just don't overreact ok?

The raised eyebrow on Emily's face got even more menacing, if that was possible. With a sheepish smile Paige retorted to her last resort –"I missed you everyday you were gone baby, please kiss me?"- With a smirk Emily stand up and without a glance back she answered while getting inside of the house

-"Not right now baby, I have a blonde to kill, but good try though… "- And with a screamed added –"Hannah a word please!"-

The Squeak that came from the house was a sign of things to come but Paige couldn't stop smiling, the sight of Emily's ass walking away was one that made you euphoric without any complain

It was Spencer and Aria's laughter that made her come to her senses and rush into the Field's home. The sight of Emily sitting on top of Hanna was a disturbing one, but the evil eyes she could see on her girlfriend's gaze was the real horrifying thing. Hanna managed to get an –"How do you know it was my fault? Spencer and Aria could have been involved!"- The blonde's answer was a hard pull of her ear –"I'm not going to dignify that with an answer Han, HOW IN THE NAME OF GOD YOU MANAGED TO PAINT PAIGE'S EYE PURPLE?"-

-"Well you know me, Violence's is never the answer…"- three voices yelled –"Hanna!"- "FINE, Paige defended my honor against a big lesbian bull"- While Emily adopted a curious and confused face Paige rolled her eyes and clarified the problem -"She got me in a fight with a butch but lovely lady at mushie's yesterday –

Both Spencer and Aria asked one thing at the same time –"What kind of name is mushie's for a bar?"- Emily tough glared to Paige -"You went to a gay bar without me?"-

Paige looked scared and could only thought, "fuck, I'm screwed". The other three women tough were laughing out loud. The blonde, still under Emily's weight, scratched her chin in a smug matter and tried to comfort Paige –"Don't worry Paige at least we both will be in the Dog's house, it's a lonely life but we'll be together as in a wolf pack"-

With an irritated voice Paige could only answer "Shut up Hanna"


End file.
